Idiot proof

Sometimes I am dumb. Down right stupid. Case and point. I had been fighting a horrible cold last winter and was so stopped up that I couldn't breathe. I was stuck in bed with a pile of used tissues spilling out of the garbage can next to me. I asked my husband to pick me up some nice night time cold and flu medicine and one of those Vicks inhaler thingies. I had never used one of the Vicks inhaler thingies but I liked the idea that I could snort something in my nose and breathe better. He brought it in and tossed it to on the bed. At this point he couldn't stand to be in the same room as I was because I kept being ill. I was too cold, too hot, too stuffy, hurting, wanted him to hug me...no that's too much hugging, just leave me the hell alone. It was great. I picked up this little cylinder that was going to open my nostrils and give sweet freedom to the trapped mucus that was set to invade my brain...actually I think it already had. I peeled off the wrapper and twisted the bottom. Nothing happened. I peeled off the rest of the wrapper and twisted the bottom again. Nothing happened. I could smell the mentholatum, I just couldn't get to it. I called to my husband and said I couldn't get it to work. He said just stick it in your nose. I knew it was supposed to twist or something because I could see threads when I looked into the bottom and there were ridges and it was obviously two different pieces. I figured it must be a full on sleeve type deal and tried to pull it out to no avail. I continued like this for about 10 minutes gnawing on it, tugging on it, and I yelled again that it wouldn't work and again go the just put it in your nose answer. So I did. I stuck it in my nose. It didn't work. I called again that I couldn't smell anything and that it wouldn't work and must be defective because it was in my nose and was a little uncomfortable too. My husband walked in to find me propped up on pillows with a Vicks inhaler shoved in my nose cap and all. He couldn't do anything but laugh, pull it out of my nose and quite simply slide the top off and hand it back. I cursed him with the straightest face I could maintain, mumbled that it must have been all the cold medicine and promptly rolled over gathering my teddy bear in my arms to go back to sleep.

This is what I had stuck up my nose, minus the pretty wrapping...so it was all white. Almost resembles one of those personal massagers you pick up at the sex store...you know a little one to fit in your purse or to disquise as a vapor inhaler. Or so I've been told by people other than myself that do that kind of thing and visit that kind of store.

Stupid childproof vapor inhaler