Frog E. Fit

So, I started this as the "life" blog and I have the "mommy blog" so now I MUST HAVE the fitness blog right? Right. Wrong. The two blogs I have are ignored enough so for the undetermined future Frog E. Luv will become Frog E. Fit wherein I will share with you my adventures in fitness. If you are afraid that you will be bored (all 3 of you that read), I promise you won't be because fitness and I have a long and tumultuous relationship wherein I have gained nothing, but I keep coming back like a fatty (myself) to icecream.



First, some disclosures. I call myself "fatty", "old fat ass", and anything else derrogatory in fun. Saying "slightly overweight and less than fit lady" just loses a little something. Please do NOT follow my fitness routine as it will involve a lot of excuses and even more justifications as to why I had to get off the elliptical 5 minutes early. If only thinking of ways out of working out burned more calories.

And now on with the show!

Today was my fitness assessment day.

The things I learned today:

I stepped on a scale and allowed the trainer to pinch my fat. This taught us that I am fat. Technically obese which horrifies and baffles me. I believe it is the percentage of body fat that actually makes the technicality and not my weight because I am not really that large a woman, I don't shop in the plus size department, I really feel that while it isn't unrealistic for me to be move to the "fair" or "fit" level, it is definitely discouraging for people who obviously need a little extra help.

I got on a bike with a heartrate monitor and pedaled until my heartrate was at a certain level for 3 minutes. This taught us that I am fat AND need help with aerobic fitness. I lasted a whopping 9 minutes and my butt hurt at the end, so add butt calluses to the list of things I need to be fit.

I sat on the floor and stretched forward and touched a number for 4 seconds. This taught us that I am inflexible and have tight hamstrings. Apparently the only muscle on my body that is tight and firm is the one that shouldn't be. Fabulous.

I stood on a square and pulled up on a bar doing a bicep curl. This taught me that I have strong arms. I am glad that I did this exercise because after carrying around a 17 lb baby in a 20 lb carrier I was afraid that I had really weak arms.

I got a printout that confirmed all of the above so that I can my fat, inflexibility, non aerobic self in black and white. You know, it's really much less fun when you have time to read the results over and over again and even with my extremely honed skills of justification, I can't change what is written.

I feel good about this. I feel good about making positive changes for my health. I feel good about blogging it. However, I'm pretty sure that trainer guy isn't going to take any crap from me and this scares me. As we finished up the assessment, he looked at me and said "You have untill 11 with the coop so how about you work out a little."

I am scared.