A story told in summer clothing

How short am I? I know you are all dying to know just how short I am. I know that it prevents you from sleeping at night. Those that know me are kept awake at night laughing about how short I am.

I went shopping with my taller younger sister and bought some Capri Pants and Bermuda shorts. The Bermuda Shorts look like Capri pants on me and the Capri pants look like Cropped pants. I’m figuring that the continuation of the story would be that cropped pants are normal length and regular length pants require a heel and that continuation would be true except I have never bought cropped pants so I don’t know for sure. I know that shopping in the petite department would resolve my problems, but I’m in denial of my shortness. I am literally the runt in my family. No, really...all FIVE of my siblings are around 6 feet tall...at least two are well over 6 foot and the other three are somewhere in there. Don’t judge me because I don’t measure my siblings, I can’t reach the top of their head to get an accurate measurement. I think my siblings were fed better food and I was left to nibble on whatever they threw at me. I was also bald for the first two years of my life. Is it too late to have CPS look into my parents for neglect? I mean really...shortness is a direct result of me being force fed fresh vegetables and being allowed to play outside for hours, not genetics. Don’t let anyone tell you different because I’m living proof that broccoli stunts your growth. That’s why I stand with George Sr. and don’t eat it. I guess for now I’ll just take solace in the fact that I’m taller than my Granny. The lady who has the nick name of "Granny Smurf". Thank GOD I’m taller than a smurf. No need to shop petites as long as I’m taller than a smurf.

*disclaimer* The above links are representative of clothes I dream about being able to afford. The only thing I own that is Juicy is Juicy Fruit gum, oh wait, I don’t own that either.