Not a candle

So, I promised a story about wax sometime ago and now I'm making good on that promise.

Let's see, I think I was 19, bored and home alone, so I did what every bored 19 year old does and hit the local drug store to find what kind of fun pampering things I could buy that would cure the boredom and make me look and feel better. I found it, the perfect thing. An at home waxing kit. It boasted low melting temperatures, quick painless hair removal and had a nice lotion to prevent bumps. PERFECT! I bought it and walked right out figuring this would be just the thing and I'd go home use it and spend hours admiring my newly waxed self.

I got it home and stripped down, I had decided that I would wax my bikini area (sorry for the too much info). I ran the sink of hot water and read the directions while it melted. It sounded easy enough. Apply warm wax with applicator (a nice soft wooden stick). Press wax removal strips firmly onto skin (soft white gauze stuff). Pull skin taut and with one quick motion release hair from folicle (setting them free to live in the woods). It sounded so beautiful and easy. I started. Standing in the bathroom, I took the wooden stick of torture and applied the hot as hell wax to a very sensitive area. Please remember that I am standing and bending my torso in half for this application. Then I take the super thin gauze and put it over the now hardening wax and press it on. OK, deep breath it's time to release the hair from it's folicle. I grip the bottom of the strip and start to pull. Oh, yeah. I'm retarded (as most of you have figured by now) and I applied like a 2 inch strip of wax so the gauze didn't cover it all so I had to use two pieces and I'm trying to rip them both at the same time. Back to the pulling. I yanked it as hard as I possibly could, it's gonna be quick and painless. Not a chance. A small piece of gauze tore off and I had successfully ripped out about 5 hairs. IT WAS NOT PAINLESS! I tried again. Determined to make it through the process. Don't you like that kind of determination?

3 pulls and 15 more hairs later, I was done. It hurt. I was going to get the wax off without removing any more hairs. I started with scissors. Snip snip snipping away at the gauze and the wax and the hairs. Much more pulling occured and it was still very painful. Then I moved to trying to make the wax really hard and flaking it off. I pulled out some ice cubes. Still no luck. Then I had the bright idea that I'd make it soft again and ran a really hot bath and crawled in. Still not working, neither did the hair dryer. I got most of it off during the various processes but in the end I still had little balls of wax attached to my bikini line and dang it, they weren't going anywhere because by this point my skin was so irritated and tender I couldn't even think about doing anything else. I had wax balls for at least a couple of days and now when I'm bored I just take a nap...it's so much safer. No, I have never tried waxing anything other than my eyebrows and it's been 8 years since this experience.